Thursday, 7 July 2016

Let me sleep

Let me sleep, let me close my eyes and drift away

Let my troubles and my pains be locked away in my tomb

Let me rest my head on soft feathered pillows

Let me sleep and never be awoken again.

Let me sleep, let only my beautiful angels come to collect me

Let me wake in the clear sunlight of Paradise

Let me drift away to a happy peaceful place

No more pain, sadness, emptiness and neglect

Let me sleep and never wake up.

Let my angels whisper to me, "Sleep my child

Sleep as we sing our lullaby to you and take you away"

Let them plant fresh flowers on my final resting place

Let the fresh scent of the flowers take away the stench of my life

Let me fly so high and far away, never to be touched by pain again

Let me sleep, let me drift far away, never to return.

Wednesday, 6 July 2016

EID 2016

Eid Mubarak everyone! Wishing you all have a blessed Eid! I was away down my sisters for a week and I had a difficult time dealing with depressions. I felt a sense of peace and I felt ready to end everything. I have had enough of everything. Including everyone judging me. I am truly fed up of the rudeness I take off people every single day! I shouldn't have to remind people that I am a human being, I too have feelings! I am not worthless and I refuse to be treated that way anymore.

Even though I'm tired of the same rudeness, I have decided to make changes. People treat me like I'm dirt and I'm never rude to them! I have also helped out many people in my life, and not one of those people have helped me out during my difficulties. I will gradually get rid of the people in my life who don't value me, anyone who makes you feel worthless and makes you feel like ending everything are not needed in my life! They're like an infection, and they need removing; no matter who they are, I'll be removing them!

I am sick of all the lies that have been told about me. I am not lazy, I have and do work extremely hard. Over the years and especially during the last 6 or 7 years when I lost my voice, I applied for 2,000 - 3,000 different jobs, but no one would give me a job because they are prejudice towards me because of my medical condition that I was born with! That is the reason why I don't have a normal 9-5 job, not because I'm lazy!

I have to focus on building up a business, even though I get no help and no advice or even encouragement! I carry on struggling and fighting to succeed! I also have my talent / gift, which is singing. Thankfully my voice has slowly been coming back, but the amount of vicious nasty jealousy I have had to deal with has been so extreme it has shocked people who have worked in the entertainment industry for many many years, but the saddest part of what I've learnt about my haters is, they aren't jealous of  my talent / gift  because they wish to have the same talent / gift, they're jealous because my talent / gift has the potential to allow me to have a good, happy and very successful life! That type of twisted jealousy is an illness!

Even though I'm tired of everything, what my Ramadan prayers have taught me is to try one last time, and they've also shown me that I don't need to change who I am, I was created differently for a reason. I was a quiet child, very much a loner; and I was kind and caring and I suffered because of that; but I learnt to fight back, and it seems that in order to survive this life, I have to be difficult and demanding and ready to fight anyone and everyone! I now see that I have to really fight if I want even the smallest things in this life, so I will use all the strength and fight I have! This is what Ramadan 2016 has taught me!