Letting go!

Why don't you take my hand
So we can walk around the park
Let's watch the autumn leaves fall to the ground
While we listen to the children's laughter in the distance
And we watch the early autumn's sunset
While feeling the cold wind blow on our faces.

Why don't you sit down in your comfy chair
And sip on a cup of hot coco
Let's ponder on days gone past
Remembering how life was and how life is
Let's talk about the good and bad
And remember it all with great pride.
Knowing how far it helped us travel.

Why don't you lay down
And tell me for one last time
The places you've been and all the different people you've met
Let's relive the past just one more time
Before we have to go and travel on different paths.

Why don't you lay down and rest your eyes
You've been on a long hard journey
With so many battles and hardships overcome
Why don't you lay down and let go
Knowing that you'll always be here with us
As we carry you forward in our hearts.

Let's lay down for one last time
And know it's OK to let go
Don't be afraid of falling asleep and drifting away
Because for what we are about to lose
Will be heaven's gain
We are all born to die
But death isn't the end, it is the start.

Please ignore the tears that fall upon you
As I kiss you goodbye one last time
I know that for now we have to part
But all I'll have to do is look up to the stars in the sky
And close my eyes to see your face and feel your embrace
But I know we have to say goodbye
Because heaven's waiting for their angel to go home!

You're never alone.

Today is the funeral of my beautiful and brave friend and American granny Maryann Hillman, may you rest in peace.

Let all your memories  (of Maryann) hold you close, no matter where you are, you're never alone, because the ones you love the most are never far away, they're clinging onto the pieces of your broken heart, keeping you alive and loved, in their special protective embrace, as angels sent from above.

Rest in peace Maryann 

May your memory be a blessing 

To Allah we belong and to Allah we return! 

Maryann Hillman

This post is dedicated to Maryann Hillman who died on Friday. There are no real words to say except thank you for your warmth, understanding, kindness and advice. The best part of 2014 was getting to know you, I am only sorry that we never had the chance to meet in person, even though we made plans. You will always be in my heart and I will never forget you. May you sleep well and rest in peace. I love you! I dedicate all that I do and achieve in 2015 to you!

I give you me.

Oh great fire ball in the sky
Fill my heart with love, passion and compassion
Never let me grow cold.

Oh silvery moon, so far away
Stay close and light up my night time sky
Watch over me and my loved ones
Protect them while the sun is away.

Earth underneath my feet
Keep me grounded and secure
Never let arrogance, rudeness or spite take a hold of me.

Rain that falls from the skies
Cleanse my skin and wash away my sins
So I am free to hold my head up high.

And time, do not leave me behind
Do not go too fast
Do not let life pass me by
And do not forget me when I am gone.  

And to my beloved, wherever you may be
I give you everything that I have
I give you me!

Music, me and my career

Growing up most of my career and life has been focused on music,  so everybody assumes that my main passion in life is music, but they are wrong, very wrong!

Music has been important to me, although it wasn't my planned career, music just became my career by accident. It was more so a hobby that I loved; but on a deeper level it was also therapy for me. I used music to let go of some of my pain. Music was my release.

My main passion was in film making; writing and developing films, even a bit of acting. Now my music career is coming to an end, it is time I started to focus on my main passion in life. Films!

My music career may last several more years, who knows? I have always kept pushing with my music career, even when it became difficult because I knew it was a way into my main career path; but as I begin to 'recover' from my past, and put everything right, I need to move away from the limbo I have been living in for so very long. Here's to future projects!

Broken

I want to break free from my past
I want to let go of all the pain, sadness and misery
I want to breathe in life and live
I want to find my wings and escape
I want to fly away and never have to cry again
I want the pain to end before I do
I want to find some where to belong
I want to find the person I belong to
I don't want to be surrounded by people who ignore & loathe me
I don't want to be isolated anymore
I want to be with someone who wants me
I want to be wanted
I want to be loved and feel safe
I want my nightmares to end
I want the pain of today to become my yesterday
And for this to happen I have to admit and say out loud
"I am broken"!
All the people around me have broken me
But I will fix myself, then I will run and run and keep on running, until I can fly!

Love

My aching heart can't  take the pain anymore
It is withering away waiting for  death to call its name
Each night I hear my heart cry out
"Let me die", "let me die"
I am  alone and invite the ferrymen who transport shadows
To take me away
Let my body burn and my ashes fly away to poison this Earth
My soul has no value while I'm  living  under a shadow.

Love is the only thing that brings in the light and heals a dying heart
Love doesn't  hurt, if it hurts, then it is not love you feel
You are feeling  the shadow of love
The shadow of  love is the great deceiver
He lets you think he is love but tears you apart
He promises you fame, fortune and all that you desire
While draining your body of love
He doesn't  give, he only takes
He is a demon of the night.

Pure love heals, repairs and gives new life
Like a gush of cool wind on a hot summers day
Allah is the source of  all pure love
Only through  Him can you  find real pure unconditional  love!