Discovering the truth

When Lisa-Lee was about 11 or 12 she started experiencing very bad migraines and muscular pains, sometimes she'd wake up in agony, she did go to her doctor because she knew it was something more serious than just growing pains, although her then GP told her that it was only growing pains, he also went on to tell her that children nowadays don't realise how lucky they were and Lisa-Lee was just spoilt; this couldn't of been further away from the truth! Lisa-Lee's life was a living hell, she also told the doctor about her depressions, and he told her that she wasn't suffering from depressions, he told her that the only people who suffer from depressions are the ones who have no reason to be depressed.

After a few years of going through the same thing, and when ever Lisa-Lee met anyone, most of the time they thought Lisa-Lee was a girl, she never understood why, so Chris Jenkins arranged for Lisa-Lee to see a specialist, who dealt with intersex conditions; this so called specialist told Lisa-Lee that she had a rare hormone irregularity, this was because she was born with both sexes, he also told Lisa-Lee that her body was trying to become more female and she had to choose, did she want to be male or female? He also told Lisa-Lee that she would be dead by the time she's 25 and it will most likely be a painful death.

Lisa-Lee felt completely confused, she believed herself to be male, so she thought that is how she is supposed to be, also she didn't want to make her families life difficult, so she opted to take male hormones to make herself be more masculine, all this did was make Lisa-Lee gain a lot of weight, grow wider and have half her hair fall out, the only posative thing that Lisa-Lee saw was that she'd die young, that made her happy knowing that the difficulties would end.

Lisa-Lee knew that she would be coming into money when she was 25, so she just hoped that until then she could grow closer to her family and that her money would help make their lives happier. Lisa-Lee carried on with her work, not only was she in the recording studio doing session work on music projects, but she also started doing voice over work on low budgeted European horror movies, she did about five of these films, plus she was recording lead vocals for the Christian new age classical group, 'New Era', although the group have had several name changes. Lisa-Lee's recording career was going from strength to strength.

Although Lisa-Lee wanted to get accepted and noticed by her family, this wasn't happening, she just longed for her family to notice her and how hard she worked, but they continued to ignore her and say unpleasant things about her. Lisa-Lee left school at the age of 15, she had no quolifications but she'd had enough of the daily abuse, this helped her life improve, for Lisa-Lee things began to feel good; she decided to push forward and develop her own solo music career, although Chris Jenkins did not like this idea and he refused to help her, so she carried on regardless, although she did learn the hard way as she had hundreds and hundreds of rejections but she never gave in, she just gradually learnt from her mistakes and improved herself.

Over time people started taking an interest in Lisa-Lee, they usually liked her voice but thought she was too fat and ugly to have her own recording deal, this went on for a while. Due to her life improving Lisa-Lee decided to question her medical advice, she had learnt that taking the male hormones made her feel terrible, but when she didn't bother taking them, she started to feel better, it wasn't until Lisa-Lee was 19 that she got diagnosed with the correct medical condition, 'congenital adrenal hyperplasia' (CAH), she was told that the other advice was nonsense and she wasn't about to die, although had she kept taking the hormones then she might of died young. It took Lisa-Lee a few years to accept this news, she had prepared herself to die but now she had to start living!

 Lisa-Lee didn't understand CAH and no one would help her find out about it, some specialist told her that certain families didn't want people knowing about their childrens condition so they refused to tell her anything, or how to find out more about it. The medical profession had once again let Lisa-Lee down, although life was about to improve with her career and life.

Protection

When Lisa-Lee was 10 years old there was a fire in the family home; her father got very drunk and decided to cook, he put the chip pan on and fell asleep, the chip pan caught fire and the whole house ended up burning. This was the night that Lisa-Lee knew her parents didn't care about her. Lisa-Lee was usually awake, looking after her younger sister and taking care of the home when her parents were drunk, but this night she fell asleep herself, her father was the first to wake, and he woke the mother and she got the children out, they never called Lisa-Lee, she woke up as they were leaving. Lisa-Lee says, "I saw them leaving, I can even remember how disappointed they looked and sounded when they realised that I had woken up, my father told me that we had to go because there was a fire".

Lisa-Lee was in the same room as her father, she was in full view of the fire, but she saw no flames, everyone was chocking with the black thick smoke, but the smoke had no affect on Lisa-Lee, she could see everything in the room quite clearly, it wasn't like smoke, it was like a type of mist and the room was very brightly lit, this was strange but it made Lisa-Lee feel calm, something was protecting her. Lisa-Lee didn't realise this at the start, but she later on realised that she felt something there protecting and comforting her.

Four or five years later Lisa-Lee went through a very religious phase in her life, she went to church everyday, made sure she was properly baptized, she even went to confession once a week, Lisa-Lee says that she was practically a walking saint. This deep religious phase lasted a good few years, but as with everything else in her life, her parents hated this phase, they constantly laughed and made fun of her, everytime Lisa-Lee said or did anything that was slightly unchristian, in their view, they would throw all sorts of religious quotes at her and tell her how useless she was, but as she pointed out, "just because I'm going to church doesn't mean that I have to act like a saint, I'm a practising catholic nothing more, just trying to learn how to be a better person".

Gradually they stopped making fun, but Lisa-Lee did worry that the only reason why she was attending church so much was to annoy her parents, she said, " If my parents hated something that I did, I would make sure that I did it more and more and more, one of my problems in life was that fact that I am hugely stubborn, I am incredibly obstinate".

Over time and mostly to do with work, Lisa-Lee's religious phase did die down slightly, but Lisa-Lee went through stages, when she didn't mind missing church, but after a while she would hugely miss it, and she would begin to attend regularly; although she has found the people in a church difficult to deal with on times, she says that she would go through phases of being ill but no one ever called her to see if she was OK, they just left her, there is also a lot of bickering amoung different groups of a church and this irritates Lisa-Lee, she has enough of her own problems without having to deal with petty little issues in a local church.

Lisa-Lee says that although she has met a lot of nice people in church, she has mostly met very judgemental people, who gossip and put people down and Lisa-Lee wants nothing to do with that. The problem, according to Lisa-Lee, is that most of these people have no life and they're trying to show people that they are good because they go to church, going to church makes them feel superior, they're trying to look and feel important, but Lisa-Lee says, " it is good to go to church and believe in something, but it's more important what you do when you leave the church, I want to look back in so many years time and see that my life did something, I want to be of some help to others, I want my life to be useful, that can only happen by me going out into the world and making a difference, the smallest of things can help".

The one thing that Lisa-Lee knows from her religious phase is that, she understood that she has always felt a presence in her life, something guiding her, and she realised when she started going to church that she had a good understanding of lots of things within the catholic faith, although some people would class Lisa-Lee and her faith as being a fast food catholic, meaning that she's only interested in certain things within the faith, there are lots of things that she doesn't like or agree with, so she just ignores them. Lisa-Lee says, " Faith is good but in small doses".

Light at the end of the tunnel

Lisa Lee Dark's life changed when she met music manager / producer Chris Jenkins; he first spotted Lisa-Lee singing to herself in her local park, Ravenhill, he approached Lisa-Lee and told her that he wanted to record her, but Lisa-Lee was only six years old and she was very shy, she first of all thought that he was either lying or just having a laugh at her expense, so she just politely refused, but he kept on telling Lisa-Lee how good she was but she didn't believe him, as no one had ever paid her a complement, in fact everyone had told her that she was crap and useless and wouldn't amount to nothing in life. Lisa-Lee had never been encouraged, if she ever told anyone her dreams ambitions and goals in life, they would just laugh at her make fun, so she learnt to keep things to herself. Life was a horrible place for Lisa-Lee.

After around three years of seeing Chris Jenkins in her local park, he still kept on to her about how good her singing voice was, one day Lisa-Lee was so fed up with him and everyone else in life, she decided to give Chris a chance, she truly believed that he was just going to laugh at her like everyone else did, but he didn't, he really did believe in her and her singing voice. Deep down Lisa-Lee thought that Chris might of been a serial killer and if she went with him, he would kill her, on one hand this frightened her but on the other hand she really did want to die; that is the real reason she went with him because she thought he'd kill her!

At the tender old age of nine Lisa-Lee's recording career began, she discovered that not only did Chris believe in her, but her also encouraged her to go after her dreams, and she also discovered that not everyone was bad, maybe there were some kind and decent people in life. Lisa-Lee began her music career recording classical, sacred and modern music with her singing in a classical style for TV and film soundtrack, or background music; this then lead, by accident, to Lisa-Lee recording dance and alternative recordings.

The money wasn't great to start off with but she was earning between £40 - £75 per recording; that was a lot of money for a child. Lisa-Lee did discover later on that Chris was making a lot more money than that, but she was happy to take her small cut. The music gave her an escape from her difficult life, it took her away from her troubles and showed her that life might be worth living.

Chris discovered that Lisa-Lee had a very unique voice, not only did she have the ability to perfectly mimick other singers, but she also had an amazing 8 - 9 octave range. Lisa-Lee was aware that she had a big voice but she started to study other singers because she wanted to be a better singer, she wasn't aware that she was perfectly mimicking other singers until Chris pointed this out to her.

Chris decided to take full advantage of this unique and rare voice; he recorded Lisa-Lee mimicking and copying certain dance chart hits, he then released these recording on the mid priced budgeted music charts / shops. This brough Lisa-Lee and Chris a lot of success as these recordings went on to sell over a million copies all over Europe. Lisa-Lee had wisened up by then and told Chris that she should have more money as it was more work and these recording were making a lot more money, he reluctantly agreed, and this deal became Lisa-Lee's first recording deal, she was around 14 at the time. This deal just meant that Lisa-Lee would get a small percentage of the profit from the record sales, on top of her small fee for recording the song.

Chris opened up a trust fund for Lisa-Lee, she would of had £50,000 when she turned 21, and then the additional £200,000 when she turned 25, but things never turned out so simple for Lisa-Lee, her mother threw away her contract / agreement for the first £50,000, so the people looking after Lisa-Lee's money refused to give her what was owed to her, they told her she would have to wait until she was 25 and then get the full £250,000, this frustrated Lisa-Lee as it kept her trapped in home, it took away her freedom and independence; but things were set to get a lot worse, as before Lisa-Lee turned 25, the people looking after her money went bankrupt, so she ended up having nothing!

Life gets worse

Lisa-Lee's life got a lot more difficult before it got any better! Lisa-Lee's mothers' drink problem gradually became worse and the families financial situation became more grim, her parents almost had their house taken off them twice, and the family debts kept on mounting up, the stress level were extreme, and this lead to both parents drinking and fighting more, but unfortunately for Lisa-Lee she was in the middle of it all, and usually had the blame for all the family difficulties. Lisa-Lee had to put up with violence from both parents during their drunken rages, this lead to Lisa-Lee becoming more sensative and unsure of herself; at a time when Lisa-Lee should of been getting to know herself and grow in confidence, she was becoming more with- drawn from everyday life and people, she was a loner who was gradually becoming more and more isolated as she was getting older.

Life did not improve for Lisa-Lee, to get away from the fights in the home she would walk the streets, sometimes sleeping rough for a night, and sometimes sleeping in the garage, she would do anything to get away from her family, as she was having the blame for everything; at a very young age Lisa-Lee had no friends and no one loved her or took care of her.

During the time when Lisa-Lee would walk the streets she met someone who befriended her, he listened to her and Lisa-Lee believed he was a friend; but this was not the case, in actual fact Lisa-Lee was being groomed by a paedophile, so he and his group could abuse her. It was during this abuse that Lisa-Lee discovered she was different, but she was so confused with life and she was suffering from very bad depressions, she just never questioned anything; all Lisa-Lee wanted from life was to die! Lisa-Lee regularly prayed to god to die, she believed that even god didn't want her, as he kept her alive. Lisa-Lee says that most of the abuse from the paedophiles was violence, but as she got older she realised that sex had very little to do with this type of abuse, as it's about control and fear. The peadophiles would sell Lisa-Lee to each other for 10p, they also kept telling Lisa-Lee that they had infected her with HIV and aids and she was going to die, this threat and fear never left Lisa-Lee's head.

Lisa-Lee saw no end to her torment, life was a dark cold lonely place, and due to Lisa-Lee being so isolated from everyone and having no friends, this then lead to her being badly bullied in school, the older she got the worse the bullying became; it got so bad that Lisa-Lee would regularly get kicked, punched in the head and spat at in the face, along with being called all sorts of names; the older Lisa-Lee became the less masculine she became, as she was really female, so this made the bullying worse, especially as she attended an all boys comprehensive school, the pupils made her life a living hell, but it wasn't just the boys, it was also some of the staff; but on top of that when Lisa-Lee might of been walking up the shops she'd have the bullies brothers and sisters screaming things at her, and sometines the bullies parents would join in! This was because Lisa-Lee lived in a rough area, she was a shy, sensative, caring person who was a loner by nature. The advice that Lisa-Lee was given by staff at her school was to take up boxing and fight the bullies, even though the school had a policy that you'd be suspended if you were caught fighting! This was the advice given to Lisa-Lee by the head master of her school. Lisa-Lee was a gentle person, she'd been through enough violence of her own, she didn't want to go arounding hitting people, because she never wanted to hurt anyone, as she knew what it was like to experience violence. Lisa-Lee just wanted to die!

Difficult early life

Lisa Lee Dark was born in Swansea, she first lived in Clydach, one of the Swansea Valleys, before moving to Brynhyfryd and then Penlan (Caereithin). Lisa-Lee's early life was difficult, there wasn't always problems but there was a lot of unhappiness. Lisa-Lee's older sister (Tracey) is only her half sister, they don't share the same father, although Tracey only knows Lisa-Lee's father (Roy) as her own father. This caused Lisa-Lee problems as Lisa-Lee was treated worse and made to feel like second best.

Growing up all the focus and attention was on the older sister. Lisa-Lee's parents had money and drink problems, she witnessed a lot of violence by her parents and quite often was in the middle of it all. The most cruel thing that Lisa-Lee's parents did to her when they were drunk was; they'd get her out of bed late at night or very early in the morning, and tell her that they (her parents) are getting divorced and she had to choose which one she wanted to live with, as her older sister would go with her mother as she was hers, but where did Lisa-Lee want to go, as neither of her parents wanted her; this affected Lisa-Lee deeply, as she was under 6 years old when this would regularly happen, she had to listen to both parents say they didn't want her, but they both wanted her older sister; sometimes they would tell Lisa-Lee that they hated her.

Lisa-Lee says that her older sister made the most of being the favourite and enjoyed it. Lisa-Lee had no one, growing up she felt alone and unloved, although she does point out that it wasn't all bad, but the trouble is when so many bad things happen they stick in your mind more than the good, the bad memories bury the few good ones; this is because when you are a child you are like a spounge, you absorb everything and this is what you build your foundations on. These difficult times stay with you, Lisa-Lee says that this is why she is unstable, her head is messed up.